The perfect gift

Shannie is so excited for Christmas, she is even thoughtful in her gifts!

Shannie:  "Mom, are you allergic to peacocks"
Mom: (hesitantly) "No..."
Shannie:  (conspiratorially whispers to her brother) "that's good, because a peacock would be a PERFECT Christmas Present."
Connor:  "What would we do with a peacock?"
Shannie: "of course it would sleep on your top bunk..."
Connor: "but it will poop on me in my sleep."
Shannie:  "It's okay brother, it can wear a diaper."
Connor: "giggling, ok sis."

the Incantation...

So Shannie is working (hard) at understanding the "Incarnation" which she calls "the incantation"  You know... the whole "God became man thing."     So we've had some neat conversations these past few days. the first goes like this...

Shannie:  "Mom, did you know that Jesus is really 3 people!"
Mom: "Yes! (surprised at this statement, she is only 4)  do you know what we call those 3 people?"
Shannie:  (eye roll) "Jesus, the Son, and the uncle"

Nice...  now Shannon's uncles are very important to her, so it would only make sense that they rank up there with Jesus in hero worship...  We'll work on that.


The following conversation happened the very next evening after dinner.

Shannie: "Did you know that Jesus had 2 dads?"
Mom: "Yes...." (always waiting for more, anytime we start with a question.... we end with something profoundly confusing)
Shannie:  "God and Joseph"
Mom: "right!"  (amazed)
Shannie:  "Were they married?"
Mom: "well no..."
Shannie: (gasps)  "they had Jesus and they weren't married."
Mom:  stuttering and my head is spinning. I'm not sure I'm prepared for all of these conversations...
Shannie: (staring at me for a long minute)  "Daddy, we need a little help in here."

Saturday Mornings with Shannie

"Saturday Mornings with Shannie"

First I should start by saying Saturday mornings when Connor was little, were amazing.  He'd walk in the bedroom and whisper "Mom, I'm awake, can I watch a show."  I would hand him the remote that I had strategically placed on my bedside table with preprogrammed Disney channel.  He'd settle in on the couch in the living room, push the little red button and sit tight.  An hour later he'd return and ask for some breakfast and which point I'd get out of bed and begin to function like an adult.

Shannie...  is another story. 

6am:   I feel a knock (or 3) on my forehead... 

Shannie: (in a fake whisper)  "MOM - I'm awake!"

Me: ok.

Shannie: (still whispering) "can I snuggle"

Me: ok.

She disappears, I doze

She reappears, and I feel a painful lump on my shoulder.

Me: "What is that?"

Shannie: "It's baby elmo (the one with the hard plastic head) he wanted to sleep with you.

Shannie: thump, thump (3 book go tumbling from her arms)  drop drop (4 more stuffed animals sounds like they are hurled at the wall)  "can I snuggle?"

Me: ok. (moves over)

Shannie: Laying on top of my head... scratching my arm and singing "lullaby and good night..."(quietly)

Me:  "Shannie would you like to watch a show?"

Shannie: "No, i'm ok."

Me: "ummm ok."

Shannie: (3 minutes later, just as I am dozing back off with a girl on my head) "Mom- I need a drink of water"

Me: (wishing we had replaced the faucets in the house like we've been discussing for a year) ok... in just a minute"

Shannie: "BUT A MINUTE IS A LONG TIME"

Me: "ok..."  (I begrudgingly get out of bed and get her a drink of water)

Meanwhile Shannie has snuggled into my nice warm bed under the covers, snoring.

As I contemplate what to do about this new development (you see only the part with no covers is available in MY bed, and this 6 month pregnant girl should not pick up her 50 lb daughter and throw her across the room place her gently in her own bed). 

The dog's 6th sense knows that his link to the overthrow of that darn locked door to the outside world and food, is up and moving.  So the whinging and howling begin.  As I pray that he doesn't wake up Grumpy Dwarf (that is not pretty) I sprint down the stairs and open the front door so I didn't have to put on shoes.  The dog goes chasing a squirrel, I go chasing the dog, it's 19 degrees and I'm still not wearing shoes.

I wrangle the dog back into the house, give up on my bed and start the coffee.

Shannie: (hearing the commotion and most likely the abundance of unkind words) appears in the kitchen.  "Why are you being so loud? the sun's not even up!"

Me: *sigh, I know*

I just can't baby Jesus...

My house is over-run with Nativity scenes.  I have fancy baby Jesus, grown up Baby Jesus (you know the one where sweet chubby baby Jesus actually looks like a skinny serious adult), traditional Baby Jesus, Peruvian Baby Jesus, broken Baby Jesus (the one that got played with a lot to much last year), and this baby Jesus...

The thing I love about this baby Jesus is his inability to break, you can chew him (Shannie's done it), you can drop him off the 2nd story landing (he bounces)  you can feed him to the dog (apparently it wasn't so tasty) and this Baby Jesus can handle it!!!

Shannie's favorite thing about this Baby Jesus is his command of humanity.  Apparently this baby Jesus is more bossy than the others... as is testament to the conversation I overheard at my kitchen table this morning.

Shannie:  "Baby Jesus I just can't, even if you ask me to do it I just can't."
Baby Jesus: (said something very serious)
Shannie: (agonizing over the situation) "but Baby Jesus I just can't do it, don't you understand, it won't be good!?"
Baby Jesus apparently did not understand.
Suddenly a tussle took place between 3 wisemen...  in which apparently 1 wise man took a headfirst dive off the table.
Shannie:  "See Baby Jesus I told you it would end bad!"

Our new family member

We had parent teacher conferences this morning!  As expected: "Shannon is highly creative, Shannon is really good at playing with other children... blah blah blah. Shannon would be great at coloring if she stopped to focus on what she was doing..." Duh.

What was not expected was this conversation:
Teacher: "I didn't know you had another son."
Me: "Yes, I have a 7 year old, Connor."
Teacher: "Oh, I know Connor, I mean another son."
Me: "We aren't finding out the gender of the baby, maybe that's it."
Teacher:  "No, I'm sure Shannon said she had another brother named John who lives in Texas and is in high school."
Me:  "You must have us confused with someone else."
Teacher: (getting the family portrait picture from the "family book" that is on display in the classroom for the entire year) "I thought so..."  

She shows me the family portrait book, sure enough, there is a drawing of Shannie, her mom, dad, and 2 brothers, with names "Connor and John"   And in the "I'm thankful" book...  "I'm thankful for my big brother John who plays soccer with me."

The teacher and I had a good laugh, and the look on Shannie's face when confronted, was priceless.

Paying Bills is NOT fun...

     In the post-halloween insanity, I was hoping that my non-TV watching daughter might actually sit for a few hours plugged in, so I could pay bills and clear off the mess of coupons etc. I had accumulated over the last few weeks.  Not shy of 18 minutes (a new record) she was at my side...

Shannie:  "Mom, will you play Beauty and the Beast with me?"
Mom: (silent sigh)  "In a few minutes I'm paying bills right now."
Shannie:  "That does NOT sound like fun. (as if stating so would somehow make it more bare able)
Mom:  "It's not fun, but it's something we all have to do."
Shannie: (after the briefest of pauses)  "kinda like wiping your own poop?"
Mom: (stifling giggles)  "Yes, something like that."

Hoochie What!?

So the littles and I were driving down the highway jamming to some Disney tunes and suddenly Shannie shouts (remember she rarely talks, SHE ALWAYS YELLS!!!):
Shannie: "Look at that hoochie momma!"
Connor snorts laughing (why he knows that that's funny, We will entertain another day) and I spew yummy Chik fil a lemonade out of my nose.

Mom:  "What's a hoochie momma?"
Shannie: "Look at that dog mom, it looks like hoochie Momma!"
Mom: (looking at the tractor trailer next to us in stopped traffic with both our windows open...)
         "honey that's called a chihuahua."
Shannie: "I know it's just like hoochie mama!"
Mom:  "Who's hoochie momma?"
Shannie: "It's my friend Alex's dog."
Mom:  "Are you sure they call it hoochie momma?"
Shannie:  "Acutally, I think it's name is poochie mama."

Mom: "oh, well that makes it all better."
Connor: "this is the best car ride ever!"

From Sacrifice comes blessings beyond imagination....

Ok, so this blog post isn't a super funny about Shannie...  it's a super sappy about her parents.   16 months ago we made the decision to completely change our lives.  At the time we were living just a few miles from both sets of parents and some of my siblings.  We were surrounded with an incredible support system of friends and family and all felt "just right."  In fact, looking back it wasn't "just right." It was easy in that world for us to go our separate ways.  I had a job that I absolutely loved, and I was surrounded by amazing people who challenged me and supported me and just loved me!!  Because of that, it was easy for me to allow that to be fulfilling in my life.  I didn't necessarily need to pour my life out into my marriage, because I was pouring my life into the people I worked with and for, and was constantly rewarded for it.

We rarely went to church together, in fact we rarely attended many activities together at all.  While we enjoyed each other's company, something was missing.  at the time it didn't feel that way..but in retrospect, I can see it as plain as day now.  when will had the opportunity to move to Kansas City, a whole world away from the comfort and support system we had built for ourselves in Tennessee, I was hesitant, but at the same time excited.  Perhaps I knew of the disconnect, the small little seam in the flow of our universe.

So I tearily said good goodbye to everything I seemingly had ever known... and set out on a grand adventure with my teeny tiny little family all on our own.  Looking back through Facebook status' before and since, memories of the same, I saw that seam close right up.  It seems that from the moment of "I do."  the "I do" I am referring to is the "I do" commit to loving you and supporting you all the days of our lives, back in June of 2003.  I did that: loved, supported etc. all the while forcing my "will" upon every situation.  Where we lived, when we had babies, who was in charge of the kids and when.  It was like we were doing a simultaneous dance without ever touching or looking each other in the eyes.

So, I said "I do" again.  this "I do" was different, it was a throw it all away kind of "I do."  I think this "I do" was said from the depths of my heart, from the place that knows that this man I have chosen for a husband loves me more than anything in the world.  From the place that knows that if I said "no, I will not move to Kansas City," he would not go.  How could I say no?  He has given me everything.  A family I loved, every bit of love he could muster in all the ways and times that were hardest and most important.  the amazing part of this particular "I do" was that this one seemed to trump the first.  Like perhaps the first was setting us up on a road to say "I do" over and over and over again throughout our lives together.

Our move to Kansas was eventful to say the least, we lived in a hotel for 7 months waiting for our home to sell, we shared 1 car for the majority of the time, we enrolled in a school that we knew we would only be in for a short time, we were technically homeless (we are pretty sure the only homeless family in the school district, you think I'm joking).  but all the while, through all the frustrations, and the tears (and there were lots), I was steadfast in my knowledge that this was the right decision.

Now, don't be fooled, I was sad, some might say depressed for a long time, as I mourned the loss of my parish family, the nearness of my mom, and the comfort I had been accustomed to.  But never did I say "I just want to go home"  it was always "I just want to start our life again."  tonight I found a song my husband sent me last May, on his first day of work, and his first week of 12 without us.   His post says simply "to my beautiful bride - I am so lucky and I cannot wait to start our new live together (again) :)   you are amazing in every way, and I cannot ever express all my thanks and gratitude for your love and support."  and attached is a sweet song called "Lucky" by Jason Mraz.  It basically says I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend.

Looking back, that was the start of our new start.  the start that can't wait for him to come home from a trip, not because I need back up, or another grown up hand in the house, or a babysitter, but because I truly love his company and his presence in our home.  The start that makes my heart leap for joy when I can watch him playing and spending time with our children.  the start that keeps us going to bed at the same time every night, and finally sleeping after seemingly hours of talking, giggling and snuggling.  He truly is the most amazing person in my life, and I wonder what the rest of our lives would have looked like had this sacrifice not happened.

I wrote you a note....

Yeah, that's what a million scribbles on a giant piece of paper means.  A note, a letter, or a list of things to do to make her "smile and dance."  Today the conversation went like this...

Shannie:  "Mom I wrote you a note!"

Mom:  "Thanks Shannie what does it say?"

Shannie:  "You know I can't read you'll have to read it to me."

*this is the part that causes the problem...  I have absolutely no idea what she was thinking when she wrote this umm...  note, so it continues...*

Mom:  "Dear Mom, thanks for making me breakfast and..."

Shannie: (interrupting)  "That's not what it says silly mommy."

Mom:  "Okay, what does it say then?"

Shannie: (rolling her eyes) "I can't read!"

Mom: (trying again)  "Dear Mom, today I had a lot of fun doing puzzles..."

Shannie:  (exasperated)  "MOM! that's not what it says!!"

Mom:  "Okay...  can you remember what you wrote?"

Shannie: (Almost in tears)  "Just read it!!"

Mom:  "Dear Mom, is that part right?"

Shannie nods.

Mom:  "Today I danced with princes and rode purple ponies through the wildflowers in the most beautiful part of the world.  (shannie nods)  I met fairies, and magical creatures."

Shannie: "only nice magical creatures."

Mom: "ok."

shannie:  "but there's more (pointing 1/2 way down the scribble page) right here."

Mom:  "on my way home I met a nice queen who traded me a sparkley horse for my purple pony, it made me very happy."

shannie: (nodding again) "and then we had dinner.  The end."

Mom: "Oh, I'm glad you remembered that part."

Shannie: "don't worry mom, I'll go work on another one right now."

Mom: "I can't wait."

Name that Baby...

We asked Shannie the "always" question:  "Do you think you want a little sister or little brother?"

Her response (as expected):  "A little sister"

Next "always" questions:  "If it's a little sister, what do you think we should name her?"

Shannie:  "Snow White"

Me:  "What if it's a little brother?"

Shannie: "We'll name him Dopey"

So, we call Baby L "Dopey" I'm certain it's a name that will stick and our youngest child will forever be known as "Dopey Lehman"   Yay for us, starting the life scarring scenarios earlier than most.

When Shannie has to go... Shannie has to go!

"When Shannie has to go... Shannie has to go"

Apparently many of our "issues" have to do with the bathroom, sorry about that!!   When Shannie has to go... Shannie has to go.  Most likely when Shannie has to go, it's already too late.

Picture this... a nice leisurely walk to the nearby park, soccer ball and kite in hand.  We were ready!   10 minutes upon our arrival.

Shannie:  "Mom! I have to go potty!!"   

Mom: "Didn't you go right before we left home?"

Shannie: "Yes, but this time I have to go poop!"

Mom: (in my head: OH SH@#$!, literally)  I didn't bring any supplies!  (Shannie needs supplies, usually wipes, extra underwear, the whole deal...  we have, what is quietly termed, potty issues)

Mom:  "Well, it is a park, and there are dogs who poop here, so we'll just go find a tree."  (yeah, I know.. shining parenting moment #437)

Shannie:  "Cool!"

Mom:  (after locating a tree with no poison ivy, use your imagination here... its was umm quite comical)

"Here's a good one honey, just lean up against this tree, relax, and the poopy will just fall right out!"  (yeah... right!!)

Shannie:  (what seems like hours later, as I watch for dog walkers, joggers, and that guy that plays golf on the soccer field right about this time ever day) "Success mom!!"

Mom:  "Well done Shannie, now let's use these leaves to wipe your bottom" ( I was SURE it wasn't  poison ivy)

Shannie: (always obedient, giggly, and pleasant, well okay mostly) gladly obliged.

We continued on with our park play, no worse for wear and with a funny little story to share.

***Until the next day***

While sitting at dinner...

Dear Husband:  How did you scratch your face like that it looks terrible (he's not heartless, it really looked terrible, and it was said with genuine concern)

Me:  "I don't remember scratching my face, but now that you say it, it does kind of hurt a little."  (thinking nothing of it)

***The next morning***

Me:  (to dear husband) "does this look like poison ivy on my face?"

Dear Husband: (trying not to laugh, but failing miserably, used all his boy scout skills and diagnosed the mysterious scratch) "nope, but it sure looks like poison oak!"  

Me: "Poison Oak!?  How did I get poison oak on my face?"

(Suddenly it dawns on me...  potty issues, in the park, leaves, tree...)

To end this lovely story, imagine the look on the doctors face when I walk in with poison something on my face, trying to explain how I got it and that most likely that poison something was also all over my sweet daughters backside, just not yet visible.  Then, imagine hearing the snickers and giggles from the nurses as the story was shared up and down the hallway, I mean seriously...  what's a good story if it isn't to give others joy and giggles.

"I'm gonna luv that baby"

"I'm gonna luv that baby!"

"That baby" to which Shannie is referring is "our baby."  The upside down picture below proves it.  (can you see... it's a baby in case you are, like me, completely clueless at the art of photographing microscopic miracles).  As a side note, it's also clear that I am completely clueless about the art of cropping and rotating pictures, I'll get there, have faith!

We are thrilled with the new addition to our family, and no one more so than Shannie.  She is beside herself with joy. Everyone in the state of Kansas certainly knows of our family situation.  Shannie is not shy, she's shared it with the neighbors, the neighbor's dog, the checkout clerk at the grocery store and the nice grandmother in the bathroom.

So say a few prayers for a healthy little Lehman and a patient mommy.  March is FAR AWAY and we are not very good at waiting for beautiful things!

"Just the Essentials"

"Just the Essentials"

When we first moved to Kansas City we lived in a sweet little hotel for about 6 months while we were waiting for our house to sell.  There's a lot of great stories from our "hotel days" that I'll share over time by this one happened not soon after we arrived.

Daddy had just secured us a weather radio, we figured since we now lived in Tornado Alley we should have such a thing.  Suddenly the weather radio beeps, all ears perk up and the announcer says something to the effect of:
 "severe weather is heading your way (not our way we soon learned but somebody's way), please gather up your essentials items and head to the basement of lowest level of your home away from any windows and doors... blah blah blah."   As daddy and I discussed our options, nervous dwarf hunkered down in the bathtub with a book,  Shannie gathered up her essentials.  Really what more does a girl need?

Marble Poop aka. the Elusive Marble - Part 2

I think I left off with *** The hours passed*** but the marble did not...

Let's continue from there...  the hours/days past also.  I believe I updated my Facebook status like this:

"t-minus 16 hours... still nothing to report" and so on and so forth.

So early Tuesday Morning we are preparing to leave the house on the way to the airport, I had prepped the children with what to say when the alarm goes off, I was armed with a picture of the elusive marble, as well as the package information for the TSA agents so they would (hopefully) not think my daughter was carrying ammunition in her small intestine (at least that's where I hoped the elusive marble was at this exact moment).

Dear husband drops us at the front door (no he's not heartless, it's a really weird airport and it would have been a lot more work for all of us if he had walked us in).

"Does anyone have to go potty?"  - Me of course, who else says "potty?"

"Not me.... not me..."  - echo the children who will actually have to go "potty" moments after we sit out butts in the tiny seats on the airplane and have to maneuver all three of us into the airplane bathroom because "Nervous dwarf" won't go to the bathroom alone in a strange place nor will he remain alone in his very luxurious airplane seat.

"Too bad, let's all try" - Me, of course, the always ahead of schedule so I have time to think about the dreaded 1/2 stall airplane restroom.  (that was all a lie, dear husband is the one that thought of that particular situation and I am ever in his debt!)

   "Not so nervous right now and I really don't want to go in the bathroom with the girl picture on it so I'll be brave dwarf" goes in the men's room (I share these details not so you criticize my poor parenting in letting my 7 year old use the airport men's room alone, but more so that you understand the hilarity of the situation).   Shannie and I trudge into the ladies room.

**** and the minutes pass***

After 2 checks on the brother waiting patiently as close to the "girl picture" as he could get without actually having to say he went "in the girls bathroom." I finally said "come on Shannie it's time to go"

all of a sudden...  PLINK!!!

WAIT DON'T FLUSH!!! I scream from outside her stall door.  

Shannie starts screaming "MARBLE POOP MOM!  over and over and over again, obviously paralyzed with joy because it took her at least 15 minutes to open the stall door.  By that time the innocent elusive marble had made it's way down the commode.  *Sigh*

After a brief interrogation, Shannie assured me that it was in fact marble poop and now those mean people won't ask her lots of questions when the alarm goes off... right!?!  

"giggling dwarf" couldn't contain himself when we exited the restroom, he said the whole terminal heard Shanning screaming MARBLE POOP! and people were actually laughing as they walked by the bathroom.  Kansas City International... you are welcome!

So, I bet you as dying to know what happened through security?

We sent the marble free girl in first... HORRAY!!!  she was dancing with joy.  I was next because her dancing is rather dangerous and I feared her smacking her head on the X-ray machine.  Clean as a whistle.  Finally "once again nervous dwarf" who was barely able to walk he was so nervous that his socks would go off....  beeped as he went through the machine.  the look on his face said it all.  "nervous dwarf" has the worst luck.

"Marble Poop"

Marble Poop: (n) An elusive bowel movement requiring much effort, time, impatience and finally gratitude.

My Facebook friends are quite familiar with the saga of the marble, for posterity it would be terribly unfortunate to lose the story to my Timeline, so I will share it again.

Mom: (for the 50th time in a week) Big girls play with toys they don't eat them.  

Shannie: Yes mommy.
(translation: I didn't hear a word you said, but I'm going to agree so I can do whatever I want sooner)

****  the minutes pass****

Shannie:  Mom, I swallowed it.

Mom: You swallowed what?  (not surprised or alarmed)

Shannie:  A magnet.

Mom:  A WHAT!?!!?!!

Shannie: A magnet (clarification: A round marble that we later learned wasn't actually a magnet at all)

Mom: Why did you swallow a magnet

Shannie: I didn't want to swallow it, I just wanted to taste it.  It tasted good.

Mom: Does it hurt.  (I ask that a lot)

Shannie: no (eye roll, she answers that a lot)

Mom: Sit here while I figure out what to do

*****the minutes pass*****

 with phone calls to my brother, my husband, my mother, my best friend, and anyone else who might need to know so they can give the necessary contradictory advice.

Mom:   Good news, we don't have to go to the hospital.

Shannie:  begins to cry...  (note: she didn't want to go to the hospital, she didn't realize it was an option until I said we didn't have to go)

Mom: (realizing she should have kept her thoughts inside her head) It's okay baby, we'll just watch your poops for a week or so, it'll come out.

Shannie:  Marble poops!? (seriously excited) I'll try right now.

And so it began... hour upon hour of attempting a "marble poop" with no luck.  That evening I am packing for our vacation...  

Mom: (To no one in particular)  socks... check, bathing suits... check, little bag for our carry on liquids... ch... oh SH*#!  metal detectors!!

Yes, my friends we were flying in 48 hours.  That means metal detectors, TSA agents, 1 mommy, 2 kids, and an intestinal "friend" that was becoming more and more elusive.

***** The hours pass*****

but the marble does not.

.... to be continued

"Let's make the world better, come on...   

Oops I forgot my lipstick"

So the dwarf's favorite song (side note: it's ironic that I call him a dwarf because he's actually a giant.  not a literal giant of course but he's one tall little man) says "we are young, so we'll set the world on fire..." or something like that, pretty sure I've only heard the kiddos version, which is often as distant cry from accurate.

Shannie loves singing the song, but she was definitely sure that she did not want the world to catch on fire.  (side note: someday I'll post a video of Shannie's "singing" it's best described as a cross between a cry for help and a very  terrible stage performance.  It often include dancing, flailing arm movements and inaudible lyrics.  It's quite endearing... really!)

yes, lipstick

So we are having spa day (patience, that's for another day) and she asks me why the kids want to catch the world on fire?  So, I eloquently explained what I thought the song (that I had never heard beyond the lyrics previously posted) was actually saying.  

Mom:  "Shannie that's saying that kids have so much goodness in their hearts they can change the world if they want to!"

Shannie: (not yet understanding that "changing the world" was a good thing, her world is pretty good)  was horrified!

Mom:  (wishing I had kept that though inside my head) "I mean that kids can make the world better! They are helping set the fire of the Holy Spirit on the world to make it better."  (mom pats herself on the back, theology and motivation in one fell swoop, WINNER!)  

Shannie: (not missing a beat) "ok, let's make the world better, come on..." (and she runs out of the bathroom, completely naked and throws open the front door)

***Queue not surprised neighbors who have seen this girl in all her glory on numerous occasions***

Shannie:  (To no one in particular, and with extreme exuberance) "OOPS I forgot my lipstick!" and she runs back in the house.

*** Queue giggling neighbors who pass on the call to CPS for one more day***