Friday, May 17, 2013

The honest Truth

So, the honest truth, is that this blog it's my sanity.  There are days, hours, minutes, and moments when my sweet, loving, creative, free-spirited daughter, makes me absolutely crazy for the same reasons I cherish her and love her so very much.  It's in those moments, when she is treading on thin ice, when her creativity has destroyed one more "grown-up" thing in our house, when I have put away her shoes for the 24th time that day, when I have impatiently waited for 15 minutes for her to simply get in the car and buckle her seatbelt, when I have asked, begged, pleaded and yes, probably bribed her to pick up her dishes, put away her toys, be nice to her sister, don't pull on the dog, please don't lay on the dog, please stay in the house when you are naked...  it's those moments, that I take 20 minutes and I write a blog post.

The Honest Truth is that this blog helps me to remember how beautiful she is, what joy she brings to our lives, and what kind of amazing gifts she has to give the world.  I FORCE myself to recognize it, because if I don't, I will lose my mind and you people would have to visit me in that special wing of the loony-bin where they keep road weary moms.  

Perhaps I should start one about grumpy dwarf for the same reason.  

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Is It hair washing day?

 I'm certain the original transcript of Genesis read "on the 6th day all 5 year olds washed hair, and it was torture."  So on the 7th day, God rested.

"Is it hair washing day?"  is the daily question around bath-time.  If its not hair washing day, she throws a party.  literally there are 8 Barbies, a boat house made from a bucket, old shampoo bottles, 3 different kinds of hairbrushes, watered down conditioner to aid the barbie brush-a-thon, boats, cars... you name it it's in the tub.  She could (and has) spent hours in the bath tub.  But on hair washing day, the merriment is gone.  There is no fun, in fact the anxiety level is so high I even want to cry just thinking about having to wash Shannie's now matted, crusty, paint colored, food caked hair.  I know what you are thinking, we should seriously wash her hair more than once a week.  Yeah...  you'd think so, I challenge you to take on that battle, and see what kind of scars you leave with... then you are allowed to judge.  Until then... zip it.

Shannie: Is it hair washing day?
Mom: It's Saturday, it's hairwashing day.
Shannie: just a little whiny "but I don't want to wash my hair"
Mom: Tough, you have to. I know, I know, not at all helping the situation
Shannie: a little more whiny  Can I play first?
Mom: Nope, if you wash hair without screaming/yelling/fighting/water squirting...  then you can play when we are done.
Shannie: crazy whiny now Please, just for a minute
Mom: standing my ground no, let's get this hair washed

all of a sudden all hell breaks loose, screaming, the kind that make you ears bleed yelling, kicking, more screaming, it was terrible.  So mom, in all my shining glory, grabs that squirming, yelling screaming then 4 year old, and steps fully clothed into the shower.  She was so shocked, she stopped everything and just stared at me.  I was furious, and wet.   I wasn't careful of her "ears" I didn't do the special cover her eyes so the soap doesn't run in them, I didn't even give her a towel when she fussed about the water in her face, I just held that girl and gave her the fastest, messiest hair washing of her life, wrapped her in a towel and put her in bed.

I would say it rivals shannie in impulsivity.  But to this day, it's a great story, it makes us both laugh, and it's a good "threat" when the whining and fighting begins to escalate.  Husband says sometimes it's pays to show off a little crazy, I think in this case...  perhaps it did.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Family Game night

Papa Smurf (formerly known as grumpy dwarf) LOVES to play games.  Husband says it's my fault. We play cards while waiting at the doctors office, we own 4 different types of monopoly.  we have an entire closet dedicated to board games.  It's a Lehman family addiction (ok... all of us except Husband, he's not so much a fan)  So on this particular night we were playing a random game that we got in a Wendy's happy meal a few years ago.  In it, you have to accomplish certain tasks in order to progress to the next stage (think Cranium for kids).

They started off pretty easy, go find 10 items that are blue. So the table in littered with a blue folder, paper clip, bowl, toy dog, hair bow... you get the picture.  
Brother needed to make a cameo
Next:  name 3 things that start with the first letter of your first name, Connor:  Christmas, Caterpillars, Canopies.  Shannie:  Sister, Sugar, Sweat

Then perhaps the most fantastic question ever asked of an 8 and 5 year old in the history of gaming:  "Yell out 2 things you are great at."

Connor:  "Spelling and Math!"  (he's an academic masterpiece, and knows it)
Shannie: at the top of her lungs and dead serious "Squirting Ketchup and putting on panties!"

The boy and I fall into a heap of hysterical laughter, and the game abruptly ends.  There is nothing that can even compete with that.


Friday, May 10, 2013

Bedtime with Shannie!

Our normal bedtime ritual begins like everyone else.  Bath, teeth, books, prayers, bed...  that's where the similarities end.  my dear daughter must talk herself to sleep.  I know, shocking.  So we let her have a few toys in her bed to wind herself down.

S: Can I have my toys?
M: What are you playing with tonight?
S: That doll that's in the basement and the barbie that's in the car.
M:  Nope, try again.
S:  exasperated Fine, my squinkies and the house.
M: Much better, Good night, Love you.
S: Love you
M: Love you more
S: Love you morest

(That's my favorite part of the ritual, someday she'll learn that morest isn't a word, until then... it's cute!)

Papa Smurf (the artist formerly known as grumpy dwarf) settles in with a book and is silent.
Shannie on the other hand... sings, dances, and generally parties herself to sleep.  Often the radio gets cranked up to her favorite song and a dance party ensues.  As long as it's kept in her room, and it doesn't disrupt anyone else, it's fair game.  It usually ends quickly and she's out in 20 minutes or so. I go up, turn off the overhead lights and turn the radio down a few hundred decibels, pull 18 toys from her bed, and tuck her in "tight" while listening to her snore and talk (yup, she talks even in her sleep)

Last night however, dear Husband and I had long tucked in the little darlings.  (like 3 hours before, it was nearing 11) the lights were out the music was quiet... eerily quiet.

Me: "Next commercial break I'd better check on Shannie"
Husband: "She has been awfully quiet tonight"
Me: giving her the benefit of the doubt "She did have a busy day, maybe she was just tired"
Husband: "Snort"  (you know that snort that means, I don't want to argue with you, but you just said something really dumb)

**Sometime before the next commercial break**

Creak, pitter pat, pitter pat, slam, thump, crash, pitter pat, pitter pat, creak, thump....
Then...  the Radio.  It was cranked up (and I mean UP) to the spanish music "mariachi" station.

Me: "I'd better go check that"
Husband: giggle giggle giggle (if he giggled... it was really more like a chuckle)

 I open the door to her room, turn the Spanish musical channel down a few hundred decibels, and observe the scenario:

Shannon is standing up in her bed, a nearly empty squirt bottle of lysol bathroom cleaner in her hand, and an entire roll of paper towel strewn about her room.  She was dancing, singing to mariachi music, using the lysol bottle as a "ukelele" in between dousing her bed, walls, sheets etc. with lysol spray, and having the very best time of her life.

Me:  "Shannie, it's very late my dear, what are you doing?"
Shannie: "I was asleep, and then heard this great song, it made me want to clean my bed and walls."
Me: "Maybe we could do this tomorrow?"
Shannie: "But Mom, then the song will be over!!"
Me: shaking my head "Well then why don't you finish it up real quick and get back to sleep."
Shannie: "Ok, love you."

I have no great moral to this story, no great words of wisdom, except perhaps that we should hide the cleaning supplies, give our daughter sleeping pills, or I need to take a class in strong arming a strong willed preschooler.  None of which is really practical or necessary.  I suppose we will just continue to smile, giggle, roll our eyes, and remember that this phase will pass all to soon.  She will be a cynical teenager someday, she will still crank up the music, though I doubt it will be the spanish music channel.   I do hope she continues to find joy in music.  I have never met a 5 year old with more love for music than that girl.  So for now, we celebrate Shannie, all of Shannie.  the fun, the frustrating the bizarre and the crazy.  I can't wait to see what kind of grown up she will be...





Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Things I should record and play on repeat all day long....




Please stop licking the baby

Be careful of her neck

If you kiss the baby one more time you'll have to go to time out

Be careful of her neck

Our baby cannot ride in your doll stroller


NO MORE KISSES!!


no, Millie can't eat hotdogs yet


Be careful of her neck

Her feet are not drums


NO MORE KISSES!!


How about just 1 stuffed animal at a time?

Be careful of her neck

you may only play with the baby when she is awake


NO MORE KISSES!!


oh, Millie does look beautiful, but perhaps you just keep the lipstick/hair gel/eye makeup/markers to yourself.


Friday, May 3, 2013

Do ghosts have armpits... and other one liners...

Below are just a few of the great Shannie one liners that we hear all day long...  None of them are long enough to make a full post out of but I hope to grant you a little window into the soul of this precious child of mine.

Shannie:  Do Ghosts have armpits?
Mom: What would ghosts do with armpits?
Shannie: Scratch them of course!


Shannie: What's a party pooper?
Mom: What do you think a party pooper is?
Shannie: Someone who poops on the floor at a royal ball.
Mom:  Well, there is that.


Shannie:  excuse me, I farted
Mom: Shannie we don't say those words, especcially at the dinner table.
Shannie:  What! I'm just being a truth teller!


Shannie:  What!? no pandora in the car?
Mom: We don't have internet in the car.
Shannie:  Man, I wish I would have packed my ukelele.


Shannie:  How do you make peace on earth?
Mom:  By being nice to everyone you meet
Shannie:  no, I mean with my hands.
Mom: Oh you mean like this?  (flashes the peace sign)
Shannie: Of course (eye roll)

Monday, April 29, 2013

wardrobe changes


A typical day with Shannie has one commonality: Wardrobe changes.


Outfit #1:  At breakfast, she kneels on her chair, reaches over her breakfast to put her blanket on the table (yes really, after being told 5 times/day for at least a year that blankets do not belong in the kitchen).  She slips, just a little and puts her elbow in her cereal bowl, flipping the just poured cereal onto her school clothes, and her treasured blanket.  

Outfit #2:  I arrive at pick up time to preschool.  All the other nice clean children greet their parents with hugs and "I had a great day..."  Shannie's always the last one out the door, (it takes a long time to cram all your "artwork" into you backpack and wrinkle it up really well)  She's typically panting, has her shoes on the wrong feet, the nice ponytail is half out and the rest is sticking up (I'm thinking glue accident)  and is covered with little paint/marker spots from her eyebrows to her ears, to the back of her hands, and of course her elbows (because she accidentally slipped into the paint tray).

Outfits #3-6:  Quiet time happens at our house about 2pm.  You'll find Shannie in her room with her door closed, her music blaring and the stomps, crashes and bangs of a dance party turned violent.  Typically she'll change in and out of dress up clothes 3-4 times during her quiet time.  each time throwing it into a heap in the middle of her floor.  When quiet time is over, it is customary to find Shannie in a princess dress, heels, a tiara and "marker make up" (how she smuggles markers into her room is beyond me)   If they princess is feeling feisty she might be dressed in a ninja costume with a sword and many... many "bad guys" (aka: stuffed animals, but not the pink ones) slain throughout her arena.

Outfit #7:  PLAY TIME!  Brother is home, the neighborhood is her playground.  Because dress-up clothes are inappropriate for cruising the neighborhood, she'd better find something to wear.  Today that is her angry birds Star Wars shirt and hot pink pants, pair that with a nice sparkley boot and you have the perfect neighborhood attire.  

Outfit #8:  Swim time!  Brother does competitive swimming, which means lots of time at the pool.  Shannie has specific swim outfits, not to hot, not to cold, ok to get wet, fun enough to impress her pool friends but not so big that it looks like she's trying to hard.  You know the type.

Outfit #9: With blankie fresh from the dryer, a full belly, and a clean body, it's time for the last wardrobe change of the day, Jammies.  Jammies are special at our house, sometimes you need "woolies" (aka warm footed jammies), sometimes you need pretty (dress jammies)  tonight she needed Santa Jammies.  "Because I'm excited like Christmas!"

Santa Jammies on, teeth brushed, "one more drink please" accomplished, books read, and a million kisses later, I gather up the clothes that make up the story of her day.  

Remember dear daughter, to live out your story each day, clothes are meant to be changed, lives are meant to be lived, and Christmas should be celebrated every day!

Remember dear mommy: Tomorrow, teach her to do her own laundry.