Saturday Mornings with Shannie

"Saturday Mornings with Shannie"

First I should start by saying Saturday mornings when Connor was little, were amazing.  He'd walk in the bedroom and whisper "Mom, I'm awake, can I watch a show."  I would hand him the remote that I had strategically placed on my bedside table with preprogrammed Disney channel.  He'd settle in on the couch in the living room, push the little red button and sit tight.  An hour later he'd return and ask for some breakfast and which point I'd get out of bed and begin to function like an adult.

Shannie...  is another story. 

6am:   I feel a knock (or 3) on my forehead... 

Shannie: (in a fake whisper)  "MOM - I'm awake!"

Me: ok.

Shannie: (still whispering) "can I snuggle"

Me: ok.

She disappears, I doze

She reappears, and I feel a painful lump on my shoulder.

Me: "What is that?"

Shannie: "It's baby elmo (the one with the hard plastic head) he wanted to sleep with you.

Shannie: thump, thump (3 book go tumbling from her arms)  drop drop (4 more stuffed animals sounds like they are hurled at the wall)  "can I snuggle?"

Me: ok. (moves over)

Shannie: Laying on top of my head... scratching my arm and singing "lullaby and good night..."(quietly)

Me:  "Shannie would you like to watch a show?"

Shannie: "No, i'm ok."

Me: "ummm ok."

Shannie: (3 minutes later, just as I am dozing back off with a girl on my head) "Mom- I need a drink of water"

Me: (wishing we had replaced the faucets in the house like we've been discussing for a year) ok... in just a minute"

Shannie: "BUT A MINUTE IS A LONG TIME"

Me: "ok..."  (I begrudgingly get out of bed and get her a drink of water)

Meanwhile Shannie has snuggled into my nice warm bed under the covers, snoring.

As I contemplate what to do about this new development (you see only the part with no covers is available in MY bed, and this 6 month pregnant girl should not pick up her 50 lb daughter and throw her across the room place her gently in her own bed). 

The dog's 6th sense knows that his link to the overthrow of that darn locked door to the outside world and food, is up and moving.  So the whinging and howling begin.  As I pray that he doesn't wake up Grumpy Dwarf (that is not pretty) I sprint down the stairs and open the front door so I didn't have to put on shoes.  The dog goes chasing a squirrel, I go chasing the dog, it's 19 degrees and I'm still not wearing shoes.

I wrangle the dog back into the house, give up on my bed and start the coffee.

Shannie: (hearing the commotion and most likely the abundance of unkind words) appears in the kitchen.  "Why are you being so loud? the sun's not even up!"

Me: *sigh, I know*

I just can't baby Jesus...

My house is over-run with Nativity scenes.  I have fancy baby Jesus, grown up Baby Jesus (you know the one where sweet chubby baby Jesus actually looks like a skinny serious adult), traditional Baby Jesus, Peruvian Baby Jesus, broken Baby Jesus (the one that got played with a lot to much last year), and this baby Jesus...

The thing I love about this baby Jesus is his inability to break, you can chew him (Shannie's done it), you can drop him off the 2nd story landing (he bounces)  you can feed him to the dog (apparently it wasn't so tasty) and this Baby Jesus can handle it!!!

Shannie's favorite thing about this Baby Jesus is his command of humanity.  Apparently this baby Jesus is more bossy than the others... as is testament to the conversation I overheard at my kitchen table this morning.

Shannie:  "Baby Jesus I just can't, even if you ask me to do it I just can't."
Baby Jesus: (said something very serious)
Shannie: (agonizing over the situation) "but Baby Jesus I just can't do it, don't you understand, it won't be good!?"
Baby Jesus apparently did not understand.
Suddenly a tussle took place between 3 wisemen...  in which apparently 1 wise man took a headfirst dive off the table.
Shannie:  "See Baby Jesus I told you it would end bad!"

Our new family member

We had parent teacher conferences this morning!  As expected: "Shannon is highly creative, Shannon is really good at playing with other children... blah blah blah. Shannon would be great at coloring if she stopped to focus on what she was doing..." Duh.

What was not expected was this conversation:
Teacher: "I didn't know you had another son."
Me: "Yes, I have a 7 year old, Connor."
Teacher: "Oh, I know Connor, I mean another son."
Me: "We aren't finding out the gender of the baby, maybe that's it."
Teacher:  "No, I'm sure Shannon said she had another brother named John who lives in Texas and is in high school."
Me:  "You must have us confused with someone else."
Teacher: (getting the family portrait picture from the "family book" that is on display in the classroom for the entire year) "I thought so..."  

She shows me the family portrait book, sure enough, there is a drawing of Shannie, her mom, dad, and 2 brothers, with names "Connor and John"   And in the "I'm thankful" book...  "I'm thankful for my big brother John who plays soccer with me."

The teacher and I had a good laugh, and the look on Shannie's face when confronted, was priceless.

Paying Bills is NOT fun...

     In the post-halloween insanity, I was hoping that my non-TV watching daughter might actually sit for a few hours plugged in, so I could pay bills and clear off the mess of coupons etc. I had accumulated over the last few weeks.  Not shy of 18 minutes (a new record) she was at my side...

Shannie:  "Mom, will you play Beauty and the Beast with me?"
Mom: (silent sigh)  "In a few minutes I'm paying bills right now."
Shannie:  "That does NOT sound like fun. (as if stating so would somehow make it more bare able)
Mom:  "It's not fun, but it's something we all have to do."
Shannie: (after the briefest of pauses)  "kinda like wiping your own poop?"
Mom: (stifling giggles)  "Yes, something like that."