Tuesday, October 23, 2012

From Sacrifice comes blessings beyond imagination....

Ok, so this blog post isn't a super funny about Shannie...  it's a super sappy about her parents.   16 months ago we made the decision to completely change our lives.  At the time we were living just a few miles from both sets of parents and some of my siblings.  We were surrounded with an incredible support system of friends and family and all felt "just right."  In fact, looking back it wasn't "just right." It was easy in that world for us to go our separate ways.  I had a job that I absolutely loved, and I was surrounded by amazing people who challenged me and supported me and just loved me!!  Because of that, it was easy for me to allow that to be fulfilling in my life.  I didn't necessarily need to pour my life out into my marriage, because I was pouring my life into the people I worked with and for, and was constantly rewarded for it.

We rarely went to church together, in fact we rarely attended many activities together at all.  While we enjoyed each other's company, something was missing.  at the time it didn't feel that way..but in retrospect, I can see it as plain as day now.  when will had the opportunity to move to Kansas City, a whole world away from the comfort and support system we had built for ourselves in Tennessee, I was hesitant, but at the same time excited.  Perhaps I knew of the disconnect, the small little seam in the flow of our universe.

So I tearily said good goodbye to everything I seemingly had ever known... and set out on a grand adventure with my teeny tiny little family all on our own.  Looking back through Facebook status' before and since, memories of the same, I saw that seam close right up.  It seems that from the moment of "I do."  the "I do" I am referring to is the "I do" commit to loving you and supporting you all the days of our lives, back in June of 2003.  I did that: loved, supported etc. all the while forcing my "will" upon every situation.  Where we lived, when we had babies, who was in charge of the kids and when.  It was like we were doing a simultaneous dance without ever touching or looking each other in the eyes.

So, I said "I do" again.  this "I do" was different, it was a throw it all away kind of "I do."  I think this "I do" was said from the depths of my heart, from the place that knows that this man I have chosen for a husband loves me more than anything in the world.  From the place that knows that if I said "no, I will not move to Kansas City," he would not go.  How could I say no?  He has given me everything.  A family I loved, every bit of love he could muster in all the ways and times that were hardest and most important.  the amazing part of this particular "I do" was that this one seemed to trump the first.  Like perhaps the first was setting us up on a road to say "I do" over and over and over again throughout our lives together.

Our move to Kansas was eventful to say the least, we lived in a hotel for 7 months waiting for our home to sell, we shared 1 car for the majority of the time, we enrolled in a school that we knew we would only be in for a short time, we were technically homeless (we are pretty sure the only homeless family in the school district, you think I'm joking).  but all the while, through all the frustrations, and the tears (and there were lots), I was steadfast in my knowledge that this was the right decision.

Now, don't be fooled, I was sad, some might say depressed for a long time, as I mourned the loss of my parish family, the nearness of my mom, and the comfort I had been accustomed to.  But never did I say "I just want to go home"  it was always "I just want to start our life again."  tonight I found a song my husband sent me last May, on his first day of work, and his first week of 12 without us.   His post says simply "to my beautiful bride - I am so lucky and I cannot wait to start our new live together (again) :)   you are amazing in every way, and I cannot ever express all my thanks and gratitude for your love and support."  and attached is a sweet song called "Lucky" by Jason Mraz.  It basically says I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend.

Looking back, that was the start of our new start.  the start that can't wait for him to come home from a trip, not because I need back up, or another grown up hand in the house, or a babysitter, but because I truly love his company and his presence in our home.  The start that makes my heart leap for joy when I can watch him playing and spending time with our children.  the start that keeps us going to bed at the same time every night, and finally sleeping after seemingly hours of talking, giggling and snuggling.  He truly is the most amazing person in my life, and I wonder what the rest of our lives would have looked like had this sacrifice not happened.

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