Sunday, August 19, 2012

"Marble Poop"

Marble Poop: (n) An elusive bowel movement requiring much effort, time, impatience and finally gratitude.

My Facebook friends are quite familiar with the saga of the marble, for posterity it would be terribly unfortunate to lose the story to my Timeline, so I will share it again.

Mom: (for the 50th time in a week) Big girls play with toys they don't eat them.  

Shannie: Yes mommy.
(translation: I didn't hear a word you said, but I'm going to agree so I can do whatever I want sooner)

****  the minutes pass****
Shannie:  Mom, I swallowed it.

Mom: You swallowed what?  (not surprised or alarmed)
Shannie:  A magnet.

Mom:  A WHAT!?!!?!!

Shannie: A magnet (clarification: A round marble that we later learned wasn't actually a magnet at all)

Mom: Why did you swallow a magnet

Shannie: I didn't want to swallow it, I just wanted to taste it.  It tasted good.

Mom: Does it hurt.  (I ask that a lot)

Shannie: no (eye roll, she answers that a lot)

Mom: Sit here while I figure out what to do

*****the minutes pass*****
 with phone calls to my brother, my husband, my mother, my best friend, and anyone else who might need to know so they can give the necessary contradictory advice.

Mom:   Good news, we don't have to go to the hospital.

Shannie:  begins to cry...  (note: she didn't want to go to the hospital, she didn't realize it was an option until I said we didn't have to go)

Mom: (realizing she should have kept her thoughts inside her head) It's okay baby, we'll just watch your poops for a week or so, it'll come out.

Shannie:  Marble poops!? (seriously excited) I'll try right now.

And so it began... hour upon hour of attempting a "marble poop" with no luck.  That evening I am packing for our vacation...  

Mom: (To no one in particular)  socks... check, bathing suits... check, little bag for our carry on liquids... ch... oh SH*#!  metal detectors!!

Yes, my friends we were flying in 48 hours.  That means metal detectors, TSA agents, 1 mommy, 2 kids, and an intestinal "friend" that was becoming more and more elusive.

***** The hours pass*****
but the marble does not.
.... to be continued

No comments:

Post a Comment